I am with my own self, soothing my wounds

Abrupt sudden view of exchanging affection
Faces lighten up eyeing each other
Oblivious of my presence, amongst them
As if, I did not exist at my own home
Ache inside, I only could fathom, none to share

         I watch myself, becoming captive of agitation



Equanimity precariously maintained
Got perturbed violently 
Persistently the scene keeps repeating its show
Her acceptance of the offer of the other
And the other being a close kin, nearer to being a son
Pretense of  elderly affection unable to justify close proximity
Big dilemma, whom to accuse- Her or the close kin
         
          I watch myself, and my dilemma


These are the testing moments
To gauge, how much I have grown
Attempting to view the event, ten years hence
    'Looking back to laugh at the triviality of ache'
Yet the attempt fails
    Agitation tightens its grip

        I watch myself, my captivity and my agitation


Past similar events queue up to tease me
One by one, the faces lighten up, as if in playback
Also her facial sheen in their response
How they all were forgotten with time
     Yet remain so alive in memory lane
Mind keeps playing its own tricks

         I watch myself and my agonizing memories


To console myself, I do recall the events
When fingers could legitimately point towards me
Sure enough, I am no Saint either


Is this the time, to pardon my own self and her 
For the follies we commit, in spite of ourselves
Should we not live on?!

        I watch my own self,  and my soothing wounds

 .......Mitwa Vishwa
        July 30th,2017